In so many conversations I have with friends, colleagues, and acquaintances, I see a common theme that our self-esteem is often tied to a number. The number on the scale, the number in our paycheck, the number of dollars we have in the bank, the number of children we have, the number of friends we have, the number of degrees we hold, the number of cars or rooms we have in our house/apartment, and I am sure you can think of so many more numbers that either elevate or deplete your mood. I have been a victim to my scale on and off through the years. I had worked to achieve a weight number that I loved, but I had to live a life of solitude to sustain it. I am now working on mindful clean eating and letting my body settle to a place that fits my lifestyle. The truth is a number is just a number.
Focusing on numbers is the same as craving validation from an outside source. The number can change our mood instantly. Smart clothing companies started upsizing their clothes with a smaller number in their jeans which greatly improved their sales.
The big question is why are we so emotionally swayed by a number? Why can’t we have greater self-acceptance and confidence to focus on victories that are not tied to a number? When our validation comes from within, the numbers will no longer be a factor in guiding our moods. For me, it’s being true to myself, learning, growing, and living a mindful lifestyle puts me in a place that is impenetrable. I am my own Badass, and I love it!
I have developed a quick fix to calming the numbers (or any) trigger. The 4 P’s: “Pause”; “Presence”; “Persist/Pivot”; “Perish”.
1. Pause – Stop and take a breath.
2. Presence – Acknowledge that a number has taken control of your head and bring yourself into the Now and accept it. (You can only move forward).
3. Persist/Pivot – Regardless of the number, if you are happy with your actions for the week, persist ahead. Pivot if you need a change to feel self-fulfilled.
4. Perish – Obliterate the numbers and look for other ways to give yourself validation.
For parents: We often use the words “good or bad” when it comes to grades and test scores. Our children are so much more than their grades! Get to know them beyond their numerical scoresheet. Validate them when you see resilience, kindness, or just for being themselves. Be your child’s best advocate for just letting them be unique and fabulous. If they need guidance, collaborate with them to create a list of non-numerical short-term goals that are unique to them. Resilience and confidence are huge factors to becoming a happy adult.
One of my favorite quotes: “It’s easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult.”
If your emotions are tied to numbers and you would like guidance in creating a Do Over for yourself or for your child. I am here to help.
~ Andi
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