The Parent Do Overs method encompasses the wisdom of eastern philosophy blended with western psychology. Today I want to explore how to find your Ikigai. The Japanese believe that when all 4 of these areas intersect (love, passion, mission, and profession), we have found our ‘Ikigai’, our reason for being. I call this our sweet spot. When we are missing one of these important components, this missing piece will ultimately override the three other areas that bring us joy. What I love about digging into our Ikigai is that it’s unique to each of us and it ties directly with living consciously.
The four questions to find your ikigai are:
1. What do I love to do?
2. What am I good at doing?
3. What does the world need; how will I be of service to others?
4. How do I get paid?
This is our reason for getting out of bed in the morning. There is nothing better than waking up excited to move through the day. When we start the day with a sore stomach/sore chest or are sluggish, it’s a sign to make a change. While most of us feel stuck because of the 4th component (how do I get paid?), I have seen many frustrated employees making nice money but having no passion for their jobs and having no time for themselves. This is common in large law firms, consulting firms or investment banking. Many switch careers where they accept a reduced salary but feel much happier with less stress and more time to do the things they love. You will know when you have found your ikigai.
Once we find our ikigai, there are 10 subcategories to live it fully:
1. Stay active – stay involved in things that interest you.
2. Take it slow - find moments to slow down every day.
3. Don’t overeat – eat 80% of a portion and allow your system to rest and digest.
4. Surround yourself with friends where you can be your authentic self.
5. Exercise and/or stretch daily.
6. Smile.
7. Reconnect with nature.
8. Express gratitude.
9. Live in the moment.
10. Give yourself permission to live your Ikigai.
For parents:
When we are at peace with ourselves and living a healthier lifestyle, it’s easier to parent our children. Parents of young children are active by default. However, during this phase of parenting, our time is not our own and we struggle through sleep deprivation. Once we change our mindset to the as-isness of early parenting, we will manage it better knowing it will change once the children are older. As children age, it’s important to reclaim what’s important to you. Always be mindful that children watch how we live our lives and manage our stress and will mimic it for themselves.
If you are working from home as a fulltime parent, this is the hardest job and comes with zero income. This was my situation for many years. I created some income by starting a personalized gift & party favor business which generated enough income to get by at the time. I decided to go back to work when my children were older and bigger expenses were looming on the horizon. There was a trade off having a lower skillset and re-entering the job market at a lower level, but it was worth it for me. Everyone is unique and will find their ikigai in different ways.
Parent Do Overs does not mean you will live a challenge-free life, but the method helps us calmly navigate the challenges as they arise. It also helps us mindfully maintain relationships with our children on an ongoing basis so that we don’t get to the point where the relationship is fractured. Our children will grow up regardless of how we parent them. Those who were parented by a conscious parent are more likely to have self-confidence and manage stress as adults and parents.
Many people are miserable but are resistant to making a change. We talk ourselves into why things will not work out, but what if it does? When we tell ourselves every day that we are miserable and that life is unfair, we will remain miserable. I can help you change your mindset which will help you move past feeling stuck.
If you haven’t found your Ikigai; you need a Do Over! I am here to help you review all four categories and together we will create a life plan that will guide you to a happier place.
~Andi
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