Best/Worst Friend

Are you your own best or your worst friend?

If you are like me, I wake up in the morning, head to the bathroom and as I look in the mirror, I automatically think “Oh goodness…WTF! Look at those bags under your eyes, and those wrinkles, and what’s with your hair? On another day it might be other demeaning thoughts about weight, or maybe a big meeting at work, and I think “Ugh, I hope I don’t bomb my presentation today”.

Now imagine if a friend saw you on the street and said, “Hi there, oh goodness you look tired, I see the bags under your eyes and I hope you don’t bomb your presentation today”. If you saw this friend several times a week and she said the same things to you every time, would you want this person as your friend? Now think if the role was reversed and your friend says to you, “I look horrible, I have these huge bags under my eyes, and I hope I don’t bomb my presentation today”. What would your first reaction be? Most likely it would sound like this… “What are you talking about? You look great, and I am sure you are going to crush your presentation, you’ve got this!” We would do everything to try build up our friend, and if you sensed your friend was really upset you might say, “I am so sorry you are feeling down today, you are a Rockstar, do you want to go for coffee and talk before your presentation?”

So why are we so hard on ourselves but we support our friends so intently? Why can’t we speak to ourselves in the same way we intuitively speak to friends? Take a moment to think about this and make a pact to become your own best friend, who better than you to have in your own corner? When negative thoughts come up, befriend that inner voice like you would with someone you really care about. In the same way you would drop a mean friend like a hot potato, drop that mean inner voice and find a more accepting supportive friend who believes in you, loves your essence and not just your shell.

For parents with children of any ages, imagine if we speak to our friends the way we speak to our children. “Hurry up! What’s wrong with you? Are you kidding me? Get your coat on NOW! And if children are older: You never call me! Am I just your servant/bank account to be available only when you need me?” How fast would your friend go running for the exit? So why do we love our children so much yet interact with them so unconsciously?

When you look inside with absolute compassion but find you still don’t feel content, remember that the option for a Do Over is always there. Can you make the change? If you need added support, I am here to guide you in a judgment free and safe space.

~Andi