As I reflect on my transformation over the past few weeks, I am feeling very proud of the adult who showed up last week. After shedding my skin and going through the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly, I have taken the last step by leaping into the unknown to claim back my most authentic self. I am walking away from a situation that was keeping me tethered to anxiety. I believed that I was stuck, and I felt strangled.
The best way I can describe my feeling of being physically stuck, is wanting to leap off a ledge into a pool of water but being too afraid to leave the platform. I remember as a child going to this huge public pool, the “Sea Point Pavilion”, a salt-water pool overlooking the ocean. I loved the multiple pools with different water depths so learning to swim was safe and easy. Once I was an expert swimmer, I especially loved the deep pool with the diving boards at different heights. I would somersault and do backward dives off the low board. I could swan dive and do ½ twists off the 3-meter board, but I was terrified of the high platform. I tried many times over several years to go up to the top only to climb back down the ladder. When I was about 14, I finally made it up to the top. I remember shaking like a leaf and really wanted to turn around. I realized the quickest way off the ledge was to jump, so I took a deep breath and leaped off the platform. I came up to the water surface feeling liberated because I could not believe I had finally taken the plunge. Suddenly all that fear was behind me and no longer inside of me. There is no better way of describing how I am feeling this weekend. I have been feeling stuck for so long. I just knew this past week that it was the right time to take the leap. Interestingly, it was not nearly as dramatic as I had envisioned.
I often read in mindful quotes, “Today is the day”; “What are we waiting for?”; I just saw this one which made me laugh, “There are 7 days in the week and Someday is not one of them”. The truth is that when we are faced with a big decision, no one can tell us when it’s the right time to make the change or take the plunge. It’s not unusual to ponder it for months/years and in an instant, you just know when the timing is right.
For parents: Sometimes we say things of encouragement to our children without realizing the effect it might have on them. It’s not unusual to say, “Look Jonny is not afraid of jumping off the high platform, why are you so afraid?” The reality is that each child has unique strengths and fears. Maybe Jonny is athletic and not afraid of heights, but he might be anxious to walk into a store alone to purchase candy. Encouragement is good, but a better way to approach it would be to say, “I know you will do it, when you are ready”. It shows your child that you have no attachment to their goal, and it releases the pressure.
We all go through times of feeling stuck on that high platform whether it’s in a job, in a relationship, wanting to start a family, or with self-identity. I was seeing a pattern and I was tired of listening to myself complaining when someone asked how I was doing? I wanted that Do Over so badly, but I could not get out of the comfort zone of “knowing” even though it was no longer the right place for me. As I mentioned in my last blog, I gifted myself with private coaching sessions to help me work past this last barrier. Truthfully, it took a village including my family and all my friends to get me up the ladder, but it was up to me to take the leap.
If you are feeling stuck and want that Do Over, I can help guide you to the edge and I know you will leap when you are ready.
~Andi
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